>>31
heres my rant.
as a long time porn surfer, yet relative newb to imageboards, I totally agree with most of what you have said.
The search for something new and different often leads into some pretty fucked up places. Traditional mainstream porn is just so hard to get off to now.
Recently I have had a few faps to 12chan cm stuff, and feel a little concerned about it. I am totally against cp, and child exploitation in general, so it is pretty hypocritical of me to fap to cm.
The thing is though, after looking at so many holes get stuffed and filled, stretched and slapped, in every possible way, colour, angle and position, it all just gets so boring that in order to actually really turn-myself on, sometimes I seem to need something that is challenging and even uncomfortable in a way, so that I can re-access the horny little boy inside. Its like, well it doesn't really turn me on, but if I try to learn to appreciate it... mmm, yeah thats not bad, yeah actually, thats, aaahhhhrrgggg...
Aside from a little lolicon, I have not and will not save this stuff to my computer. If my gf or any close freinds discovered it, well, I don't think I would ever live it down.
Across the imageboards like I imagine everyone else has, I have glimpsed snippets of cp when someone posts it until it gets deleted. It shocked the hell out of me, yet similarly, with curiosity, once, I thought, whats the harm in taking a few minutes on a relatively innocent (non abusive one) before I clean my cache... I did the bad thing...
I think it is true that it does change the way you look at people and children. When I over-porn myself in general, and go out into the real world, I find myself totally 'sexing people up', just shamelessly and classlessly checking them out like they were an image on MY computer screen- picturing their pussy, if their shaved, what it would be like to stick it in their pooper. LOL, you know what I am talking about.
So today, driving home, I pulled up in traffic and absentmindedly looked towards a cute 11ish yr old girl a few meters away. Automatically I started thinking of her in a perverted way, picturing her body under her clothes, and noticed the change (to what I would normally do) immediately. I mean it is not out of form for me to look at 15 yr old up jb girls, who are at least past puberty, and think bad thoughts... but 11 yr old... DUDE! that is something different for me, and something I am not too comfortable with.
I remember the first few times I fapped to traps, and it was the sort of thing where you have a crazy orgzm that leaves you dizzy and embarressed and full of shame and confusion where you rapidly close the windows and tell yourself you are not going to do it again, ever. LOL.
Hell, I love traps now, and fap-free of conflict. I don't feel gay at all, though I am quite open to homo stuff- I would do it if I ever felt like it, and had the oportunity (ie not cheat on gf) but the fact is I really don't feel like it and don't think I will. Traps on th other hand, well there is something just so faptastic about them, especially when you've got one sitting on your lap in Bangkok (believe me I was tempted to cheat). They smell and feel like a god-damn girl, they know how to handle a cock better than any girl (well ok, she touched but I didn't come so thats not cheating), you're bound to be able to stick it in the pooper, and they just so happen to have a dick as well- any guy that has spent a reasonable amount of their life fapping has surely learnt to appreciate a good hard cock (their own). So I can even get off on the trap cock, so long as there is not a hairy gross guy attatched to it. Dickgirls, really. That is how I think of them...
(the trap thing though, I would never tell my girl this- its better to admit to your girl IMO you could do a guy than admitting you could do a trap- there is something just too challenging, filthy and confrontational for them about it- at least most of the ones I know)
So the worry here is, that fapping occasionally to cm, is just going to normalize itself within me, and change the way forever that I deal with and think about little girls. I do not want that to happen. I would like to be a dad one day, and never ever have any thoughts remotely like that (probably impossible now lol). I mean I already had enough social male guilt and suspicion thrust upon me to deal with (like every other male-suspect) without actually having some of the very same thoughts in question occur in my head.
Strangely, I have always been able to understand an element of what pedo's get off on. The innocence, the curiosity, and just beauty of youth. For me though, the eroticism of it is more about remembering back to my own early youth and sexual-ish early encounters with young girls (damn I wish I knew about lube back then!)
But I have never been able to understand actually how they do it, how they could be that selfish and abusive. How they could live with themselves as a big dirty male child molester.
I do not believe that I would or could ever EVER do anything abusive or wrong with children. EVER. The thing is though, I never used to worry about ever actually having thoughts about it.
Yes, it is true I think.
/b/ and the rest have tainted my soul. /b/ brings out the inner perv, the shameless amoral cretin that potentially exists in us all. Whether he will ever get back in his box is another thing.
yeah, I talk too much.