I’ve found that as time goes on, my desire for new and more extreme things increases. Back in the beginning, a few low res gifs on a floppy disk of nude women was the most fantastic thing in the world. Finding a stash of porno mags was so exciting. Nowadays, I've seen and collected so much porn that I’m becoming increasingly more specific about what I seek out and keep.

Sometime after I found imageboards, I found lolicon imageboards. Then one day, months later, I was browsing some fusker galleries. I clicked on a link to a gallery. I picked that gallery specifically because the girl looked young. When it opened up, I realized that the girl was one of the older models. The gallery had fully nude images of girls from 4-14. I knew I had entered a sort of forbidden zone, knowing that simply by viewing the images, they were already on my hard drive in my browser cache (which is probably enough evidence to get you in some serious trouble if caught). I figured I could delete them (perhaps even with some of the high grade file shredding deletion programs I know of) but since they where already on my computer, I had nothing to loose by enjoying them for a few minutes. Some of them are burned into my memory now. I reported the site the fusker page had got the images from and tried to forget about it. But I can’t.

Since then I have avoided all the lolicon imageboards, though I can’t bring myself to delete all the loli manga scans I collected. I can’t look at a little girl on the bus or whatever and see innocence; I can’t help thinking about them in a sexual context. I can’t ever imagine myself ever acting on these thoughts, but then again, a few years ago, I would never have thought I’d be turned on by pictures of nude children. That being said, I’ve been reading erotica that sometimes involves children for years. So maybe I've always been this way, and being exposed to the images just made me realize it. I can remember thinking and doing perverted things when I was as young as 4 or 5. So maybe I've always been a pervert, but I’d rather not have ever encountered lolicon images. At some point in my life, I’m sure ill be repeating all this to a psychiatrist.