The Great Muse murmurs in my ear:

use constant S_AOL => 'ITB we speak Queen's English.';

if (DISABLE_ETERNAL_SEPTEMBER and $markup ne 'aa') {
  if (!$text =~ /[:punct:]/ 
  or $text =~ /(?:\w\n+\w|[\w\W]\n[\w\W]|[:punct:]\s*[:lower:])/g
  or $text =~ /\s(?:ppl|im|u|lol|(?:do|wo|ca|did)nt)\s/) { 
    make_error(S_AOL) 
  }
}

ya rly