Someone remind me where this conversation is going again? I'm finding it interesting, but we're losing direction.
If we're on the topic of what "lolita" means offline and online, I'm generally willing to agree they're the same. Sexually attractive, but "a bit" underage. We seem to hit a problem with lower bounds here.
My take on the issue:
I believe lolita applies to a girl in puberty. I feel this is consistent with the "dictionary definitions" that we've got. Prior to puberty she's sexually undeveloped. As a direct consequence, she can't be sexually attractive. Sexual attraction to a prepubescent girl then becomes fetishistic (ie. an attraction with no logical basis).
Now for the -philiae. (No, I don't know if that's linguistically correct).
Ephebophile, as I understand it, should mean adolescent love. It's not gender specific, and I figure it should cover a similar age range/level of maturity as "lolita".
In contrast, pedophilia is a love of children. I've hit a small inconsistency here as Wikipedia reckons ephebophilia doesn't necessarily imply a sexual attraction, but the writer for pedophilia clearly believes otherwise. I don't know what's correct, nor am I saying we can trust wikipedia. The truth of this will ultimately lie in its social interpretations.
That aside, the point is that pedophilia is restricted to pre-pubescent entities (by my own understanding). Once again, at this point it becomes fetishistic and illogical.
I'm willing to argue at this point that pedophilia and ephebophilia are distinct and exclusive bahaviours. Both are equally valid for usage if you wish to use them. Calling yourself an ephebophile is not some cop-out, in-denial way of being a "pedo".
Taking stereotypes for a moment, being a "dirty old man" that molests little boys is pedophilia and has a particular stigma attached to it. Being an adult in a relationship with a rapidly-maturing adolescent who is still "underage" (according to local jurisdiction) has a different stigma again. Only one of these is pedophilia, and conciously or not, this doesn't seem to go unnoticed by society (there are different stigmata).
Now, discuss.