Howdy,
Here are some observations about the translation of volume 2. Page numbers as per your scans.
Page 4, panel 4:
Nanika nonde ikanai I would render more as "Won't you have a drink before you go?"
Page 7 panel 1:
mazu sochira kara - "will you initiate/begin?"
Page 11 panel 5:
chijikomaranai is more like "don't shrink away"
Page 14 Panel 3:
"precious memories" - I really like your translation of natuskashii here.
Page 16 panel 3:
since it's kite morau, I would put it something like "have them bring you all the way next time"
Page 17 panel 4:
shite miyou - note the present tense "I think I'll try to relax more"
Page 28 panel 3:
Because of the "nanka" and "rashii", I would add "It seems that I...."
Page 44 panel 1:
Yado dai no ashi ni - I think it's "It's how I earn my way".
Page 45 panel 2:
shikashi hitori wa ossan - I think Takahiro is talking about Ayase here: "Especially when one's a old guy"
Page 45 panel 6:
Atta no wa betsu no jidai, shite iru no wa onaji sugata - "They met her in different times, but they both saw the same unchanging figure"
Page 49 panel 2:
ki ni naru is more like "worried" or "anxious in a nervous sense". Ayase is trying to skirt Takahiro's matchmaking.
Page 56 panel 1:
sashimi gurai minna ni tsukiaesenakya dame da yo, yappa - "I guess I need to be able to at least handle sashimi when I go out with folks"
Page 64 panel 2:
I think takahiro is speaking to Alpha here.
Best,
Dave
- dDave
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
Continue these comments, please. I am translating the YKK to Hungarian and my Japanese knowledge almost nothing, so if the English version has got bugs, no way to avoid it in my translation. ^_^ (Some SFX was explained or "translated" in the Hungarian version by me.)
- Kogepan
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Continue these comments, please. I am translating the YKK to Hungarian and my Japanese knowledge almost nothing, so if the English version has got bugs, no way to avoid it in my translation. ^_^ (Some SFX was explained or "translated" in the Hungarian version by me.)
- Kogepan
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Thanks for these notes! I must say, it's quite painful for me to go back through these early translations of mine in particular...many lines feel terribly stilted and awkward. I only hope I don't feel the same way about my current ones in another couple years.
[v2, p4], panel 4:
My text has "nanika nondekanai", not "~ikanai", so I think it just translates as "won't you have something to drink?". You're right that my "what do you want to drink?" is incorrect--I appear to have been confused about the meaning of "nanika".
[v2, p7], panel 1:
I'm not sure about this one. Is "sochira" referring to the message, or to Alpha? If the former, Kokone is saying that the message may explain why Owner sent the camera; if the latter, your translation is accurate and she's asking Alpha to start the transfer. I think it's the former.
[v2, p11], panel 5:
Fair enough, although I think "tense up" flows more natually without being too far off the mark.
[v2, p14], panel 3:
Natsukashii is a tricky one. The common translation of "nostalgic" rarely flows well. I seem to remember being inspired by a translation of the first OAV series in translating this chapter; I'm actually not certain if "precious memories" is original to me or not.
[v2, p16], panel 3:
Wouldn't that be "okute morau"? I think we're both right, or both wrong (depending on your perspective). Alpha is saying the car should both drop off and pick up Kokone at the house--"have them come all the way to the house".
[v2, p17], panel 4:
Ah, you're right. I got my tenses confused on that one.
[v2, p28], panel 3:
Good point. (And wouldn't I love to hear more details about that institute!)
[v2, p44], panel 1:
This one is causing me trouble, since Ayase seems to be talking in dialect while using a figurative expression and a word I'm not familiar with. "Shukudai no ashi ni yo"...I don't know "shukudai" offhand (and WWWJDIC doesn't contain it), but I assume from the kanji it means "living expenses". "Ashi ni" is, I presume, short for "ashi ni naru", which is "to be useful". The whole is then "[he] is useful [for paying living expenses]". I think "he pays his keep" is a valid translation of this.
[v2, p45], panel 2
Yep, I completely missed that one. The mistranslation kills the flow of the conversation, too.
[v2, p45], panel 6
And again, I missed the point entirely by getting the subject wrong.
[v2, p49], panel 2
My dictionaries all agree with you, but my gut disagrees. You're probably right, but I'm going to reserve judgement until I can get a native speaker to offer an opinion.
[v2, p56], panel 1
I have no idea where I got my translation from that time. It isn't even vaguely close to being accurate.
[v2, p64], panel 2
I think you're right; that's Takahiro, not Alpha.
I'll have to go through and correct these mistakes. Thanks for pointing them out--this is a great learning exercise for me!
- dn
Thursday, August 28, 2003
Howdy,
Thanks again for your gracious reply. Just a few more comments on your responses.
>[v2, p4], panel 4:
>My text has "nanika nondekana".
That's a colloquial contraction of "nonde ikimasen ka?".
>[v2, p16], panel 3:
>Wouldn't that be "okute morau"
In general, your translation is fine, but note the difference of the forms below:
okute morau: have them take you
kite morau: have them bring you
mukai ni itte morau: have them come to get you
>[v2, p44], panel 1:
>a word I'm not familiar with. "Shukudai no ashi ni yo"
Try looking it up using the reading "yadodai".
Best,
Dave
- dDave
Thursday, August 28, 2003
and also
"tashi" (not "ashi") means "addition" or "supplement"
- the literal meaning of the sentence would be like "(this earning will be) a part of my lodging fees (expenses)"
- tamachan
Thursday, August 28, 2003
(I really have to get non-ASCII character display working here.)
Is "kite morau" necessarily "have [them] bring you"? It seems to me that it could also be "have [them] come", not necessarily implying you are with them.
"Yadodai" doesn't appear in either WWWJDIC or my electronic dictionary; I guess it's an uncommon compound.
tamachan- Thanks for pointing out my misreading of "tashi".
- dn
Thursday, August 28, 2003
I checked with a native speaker on the meaning of "ki ni naru" on [v2, p49]. She agrees with my initial translation of "that sounds a bit more interesting".
"Ki ni naru" doesn't quite mean "worried". It refers to something which attracts thought, a concept which has stuck to your mind against your will. In this case, Ayase is joking that the thought of meeting an pretty young woman attracts his attention.
On [v8, p52], Nai says, "Nanka ki ni naru?" He's saying that Alpha is wondering about him, not that she's worried. She's curious, and she can't get the question off her mind. That's also "ki ni naru".
- dn
Thursday, September 4, 2003
Will you be updating previus pages? And if so, will you put it on the news site? It does not really matter, becose your work is such a high quality already. But it would be nice to know.
- AJensen
Friday, October 3, 2003
Reply to this topic
Topic list